There where many things I didn't know

I just found out that the life I'm living is a lie,
you're not going to be home,
you're going away,
not sure for how long,
it does'nt matter,
 I want you to stay!

I love you so much,
and everyting seems worthless without you,
can't you see what I'm going through?

I hate everything right now,
 all I can do is cry,

I don't want you to go,
and if you have to,
I'd stand by you're side,
thoug I don't want to see my last sight

I'm going out to school,
Thinking you where to trash the garbish,
I see you in handcoves,
and my mind gets thevoliched,
knowing that you're still my love appoliges

please don't leave, I can't take it nomore!
don'yt do that to me, I can't breath anymore!
don't do this to yourself, cuz I know you're not alive anymore,
on the inside you're dead,
thinking what you've done,
will make us put someone over you instead!
But I promise, You'll always be my nummber 1!!!

I love you mom!

What are you supposed to do,
when everything you once loved keeps abandening you,
if someone where to ask me
"please tell me 'bout everything you've been through"
I'd tell them, there's much more then what you see
this aint a farytail, this is me...

If i had not told you what he'd done, 
we'd still be a family, we'd be as one,
but my conciense wouldn't let me,
I could'nt know without telling you,
 maybe you're better of free,
but still, how're we supposed to make it through?

I love you mom, and I love my brothers and sisters, and ofcourse I've got the best friends in the world.
But right now, I can't take it anymore, it's to much... It always comes down to the famous words "it's all becuase of me", well, I've had enough...
 I'm not as strong as I used to be, and this is killing me.   

I hate what I've done, thoug it may have been the best...
I don't want anyone else, just fuck the rest...
I love you so bad,
it would be easier to say it did'nt cared,
I hope you'll give me a chance if things changes
love is tricky, and sometimes more then strangest
don't leave me,
please,
you are one of my best friends, and you meen so much to me...

nu har jag tagit bort länken från facebook, så bara ni som verkligen vill och brukar läsa kan göra det... Pga hur jag känner, hur jag mår, och vad jag vill, så anser inte jag att alla i hela världen ska få veta.
Och hur mår jag nu då? jo skit, riktigt skit... Och varför? jo jag förlorade någon jag verkligen älskade häromdagen. Iomed ett beslut som jag fattade för min egen skull. Och att M inte förstår, hur jag mått de senaste veckorna, vetandes att jag måste välja, så gör det saker ännu värre. jag mår  verkligen inte bra av allt som händer nu. För 3 veckor sen hade jag lyckats gå upp till nästan 60 kg, nu är jag nere på 53... Jag varken äter, sover eller skrattar. Det enda jag gör är dricker öl och verkar tycka synd om mig själv. Men tillochmed jag förstår att det som gjorts kan enbart ha hänt pga mig... Och det är väl egentligen det som är värst antar jag, att allt beror på mig.
och ni som känner mig vet, att jag inte är en sån som klagar i onödan, som tycker synd om sig själv, men det kanske är så att jag är skyldig till det den här gången, jag vet inte...
jag vet inte mycket just nu, men men....
du fick mig att må bra, och jag dig att må dåligt. Om du bara visste hur mycket jag hatar mig själv just nu, hur mycket jag vill kunna vara din bästa vän, hur mycket jag älskade de kvällarna vi bara låg och pratade, och hur mycket jag kämpat.
ingenting kommer att bli som förut, och i BH så var det bara dig jag kunde prata med, det var bara du som tyckte om mig. Nu står jag här, kanske lika ensam som dig, men med mer ångest... jag citerar en väldigt god vän: Aldrig ska det vara enkelt....

What ever I do,
everything seems to smash back at me,
it wasn't my intention to love you,
I just wanted to stand back and see

I lost a best friend yesterday,
based on a desition I made,
thoug I told you what could be, your answer was to just say
"I knew this from the start,we've just been an ungraceful fade"

If everyone could see,
how much I lie to them,
everyday when they ask me how I feel,
I say I'm glad, yes I'm okey,

Just becuase my mom's home,
doesn't make things problem free,
I feel worse then what I did when she was gone,
maybe this is the way my life's supposed to be?

I want to be okey,
I want to be fine,
but now it's just like "hey,
I'm selfdestructive and pushing towards the line?!"

My problems didn't go away,
there's always something else,
and if it for one day just may,
I could live the life of someone else,
maybe then I wouldn't fuck everything up...

Everything I do just makes someone hurt,
I'm good to nothing,
I hate myself right now....